Day 7: Thursday 5/5

I woke up today feeling pretty good. We were arriving at Cozumel, Mexico today so I knew I had zero reason to rush to get a seat by the pool. Cozumel is the biggest shopping port in the Caribbean. So between the tours, waters sports & shopping I knew the ship would be empty. I headed over to see what my parents had planned for their day. They were dressed for the pool. When I walked in I could tell that my mom wasn’t a happy camper. So I walk in and ask her what’s wrong. My dad is sitting over on the bed holding in his laugh... but she’s not too happy. Uh, oh. She points her leg out at me & says, “Look at my legs!”. Her legs were as white as before we left. “Your father put so much sunscreen on my legs that I didn’t get any sun yesterday. Nothing. Guess he didn’t have to wake me up to get me out of the sun for worry of my legs burning either. Thanks Don.” My dad & I were hysterical. So we head up to the pool to get Sunshine some color on her legs before she combusts. 

We spent the morning at the pool. My dad didn’t want to get any sun so he told us he’d be down at his favorite spot. So my mom & I spent some time by the pool. Like clockwork by 12pm I was starving. My dad would usually return for lunch by now so my mom & I didn’t know what to do. We thought maybe he had gone and eaten by himself. God forbid if he hadn’t eaten & we went to eat without him. He’d be so offended. So I decide that I’d go find him. I knew that he should be somewhere on either deck 6, 7 or 8 midship by the lobby. So I walk down 7 flights of stairs (I’ve only used the stairs this entire cruise, helps with the amount I’m eating, haha) to deck 8. I walk that entire deck. No Dad. I walk down another flight of stairs & walk the entire deck 7. No dad. I walk down another flight of stairs & walk the entire deck 6. NO DAD! I walk back up 10 flights of stairs and then again the entire length of the ship since I was now forward & the pool my mom is at is aft (back). I thought for sure my dad & I crossed paths & he’d be there sitting with my mom when I got back. So I get back to the pool & he’s not there. So I walk back to the elevator area to call his stateroom. No answer. That was it. My mom & I left our stuff by the pool and headed to have lunch. On my way I walked back down 3 flights of stairs with my mom’s room key to check their balcony since there was a chance he was out there & didn’t hear the phone. Nope. So I walk back up 3 flights of stairs to meet my mom for lunch. My thighs were tingling & burning like you wouldn’t believe. I’m so out of shape.
My mom & I are sitting there enjoying our lunch & guess who comes walking in. If he said anything about us going to eat without him I think I would have blown. Luckily for my dad he didn’t. We asked where he had been & he said a place that I had looked. Turns out he picked the absolute worst time to take a bathroom break. He got what was coming to him though. I didn’t even have to say anything. A moment I had waited all cruise to happen happened at just the right time. I had heard about this before boarding the ship & held it in in hopes that the perfect timing would come & this was it. 
On board the Epic they use urinal screens in the men’s room urinals. I know vital information. Stay with me. Well, I don’t know why, but in certain men’s rooms they use urinal screens with the name brand’s logo right on them like a target. It’s a red oval with the name written in white. Not to get too in detail but you basically pee on this logo. Any guesses on what the logo says??? “Don”. Really, I think I find way too much joy in the thought of when my dad noticed this. So he’s telling us about his discovery & I am hysterical. I told him that I knew about it & even had a picture. He was shocked... not because I kept this secret but that I had a picture from inside the men’s room. He asked me how I got it & of course I was not going to pass up the opportunity of him getting even more uptight. I went into this whole straight-faced story about me going into the men’s room to get the picture. My mom being the responsible mom that she is, jumped right into my story without missing a beat. My poor dad. He’s probably still not sure if I really went into the men’s room or not. 
After lunch my dad headed back to his spot in the AC & my mom & I headed back to the pool. On our walk back to the pool I spotted trouble laying on a lounge chair that my mom was walking directly towards. You know those panicked moments when you want to yell out a warning but you couldn’t even get a word out. This was that moment. Dead ahead was my friend from the other day by the pool. She was laying on a lounger, probably in someone else’s sunscreen, ready to chat. It was too late to divert... we were headed in. So I speed up so that I’m right with my mom. My mom then does the unthinkable. She smiles at the “woman”! She had no idea who she was smiling at. So I start to push my mom’s back a little to get her to move quicker & communicate that she shouldn’t stop. Just as we get next to her she smiles up at us & then looks over at me & says, “You’re absolutely lovely.”. I thanked her while I kept it moving. The fun part was to watch my mom’s reaction to all of this. Her jaw practically dropped open. Priceless. So once we get back to our loungers & in safe territory my mom busts out laughing & makes remarks about my new “friend”. Yeah, thanks mom. You encourage her & then laugh when she reciprocates. Thank you. Really.
We laid by the pool until around 3pm and then head back to our rooms to get ready for dinner, etc. My TV was still broken so I just put some music on. I took that time to start to pack a little. Then I got ready for dinner. Before leaving I left my room steward a note about my broken tv. At dinner tonight we had quite the laughs. Our waiter did not speak English at all. On top of that fact, his voice sounded like a high-pitched Borat. So he comes over & asks for a drink order & it wasn’t that noticeable yet. So we sit there for a few minutes and then we’re all ready to order. He comes back over to take our order, but first proceeds to tell us the special of the day. He starts talking & immediately my mom is shaking. She lifts her menu up to block her face & tries to hold in he laugh as our waiter is explained the special. My dad is sitting there & his face is saying it all. He’s starring at this guy with his mouth wide open, head tilted & a confused look on his face. I’m holding it together pretty well until I glance over at my mom. This guys had the funniest sounding voice ever. Then the unthinkable. The whole time he’s talking I’m praying that my dad doesn’t offer for my mom to order first. So the waiter finishes his talk on the special, which we still have no clue what it is, he turns & looks at my mom, who is still hiding behind her menu, & asks her for her order. My mom goes to open her mouth to order & does the unthinkable... she busts out laughing. LOUD and uncontrollable. So now I of course start to laugh but still have enough sense to try to play it off that we’re laughing at the fact that she still doesn’t know what she wants. So I suggest to my dad, who is now even more confused, to order first to give mom time. My dad orders and then I go next. It’s now my mom’s turn... again. She giggles out what she wants as she wipes the tears that are now running down her face from laughter. As soon as the waiter is gone we all bust out laughing. My dad asks “what in the world was that?!”. We finally got our composure and enjoyed the rest of our meal. 
After dinner we headed to hear a really good group sing. Then we headed up to the pool for Battle of Sexes which my dad was just thrilled to be at. They split you up. One side of the pool into the women’s side & the other the men’s. So my dad had to watch the game show on the other side of the pool by himself. The show wasn’t too funny but my mom & I were having a hysterical time watching my dad sitting there sulking. Even more so once late comers showed up & were sitting together as couples. After round two he snuck back around to sit with us. About an hour after the game show was a motown dance party at the pool. We sat around waiting for that. At 9:15pm I just decided to call it a night so I left my parents to head back to my room. I was at the back of the ship, so I had to walk all the way forward. I made it to the front of the ship and was headed for the stairs. Just as I get to the stairs I notice a couple of guys coming up the stairs. They breakaway to the sides so that I can walk by. Next thing I know one of them jumps in front of me & starts grinding in front of me. Uh, Yeah. Take your over-waxed eyebrows and move it along Mr. Metrosexual of the Year. Just a little arrogant. How did I handle this guy? I did what any self-respecting woman would do... I joined in of course! Ha! Picture that. Actually, when he first jumped in front of me it startled me. Who jumps in front of a girl who is all alone in a stairwell surrounded by guys. Smart move, genius. So because he startled me I had already stopped walking, then I starred at him for a second trying to figure out what exactly was going on, once I realized he got a dirty look & I think I may have rolled my eyes & then I went around the idiot and down the stairs. I definitely made my point ‘cause on my walk down the stairs I could hear his friends making fun of his failed attempt. 
Once I got into my room I kissed the ground ‘cause I knew I was finally free from the crazies aboard the Epic for at least the evening. I checked my e-mail, took some Nyquil & headed to bed.              


bob sacamano said...

I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that the metrosexual douche hails from Jersey.

mayo3dill said...

OMG Lisa....I wished so badly that I could've been at that dinner table where your mom couldn't even order. I can picture the whole scene....PRICELESS!!! I kinda experienced the same thing except it was with Aunt Chris at a McDonald's drive thru. We had a meltdown at the speaker box where you order. We were arguing over who was gonna order (neither one of us wanted the honor). I end up ordering gasping out one word at a time in-between hysterical sobbing laughing. Such priceless memories!!

Anonymous said...

Don Eric,....why is this douche from Jersey?...what the heck!......stupid TV ruined my life. favorite part of this is .."My poor dad. He’s probably still not sure if I really went into the men’s room or not." ha...and your mom joining in the story to mess with him too...good stuff